Right after a child starts to learn how to write sentences one of the questions that are asked to them about family. “Who are the members of your family?” When the counter-question was done to the teacher about what the family was. She answered that our family is our parents, grandparents, and siblings. This is how the foundation of the family was made on my brain. Family is my father, mother, grandfather, grandmother and my brother.
As I grew up, I was always surrounded by my cousins and all of my uncles and aunts. Being the youngest girl child in your family has its own perks, too. Your every whine will be heard and fulfilled, though some absurd one did get ignored.
I have always been calling my cousins; brothers and sisters. Since my first language is not English when I first heard about the meaning of the word ‘cousin’, I didn’t like it. That word seemed cold to me. I have never really used it before because I have grown up loving those people like siblings and that word made us sound detached.
Whenever I talked to anyone by addressing them like a sibling, I would always get asked a question,” Didn’t you say you have only one brother?” I had to clarify every single time. Technically, what they are saying is correct but for me, it's not. I have been taken cared of, loved, scolded, and sheltered by them. Even when I did something wrong, I’d get shielded in public but I would get a scolding too in private.
Since I have been talking about my family, a situation that has commonly happened to me popped on my mind. We are based on Kathmandu, and like every other local, I have been stereotyped immensely; to the point where some of the points are hurtful mainly when it comes from close people who you thought knew you.
The views are just common thing that every local who has been born and brought up in Kathmandu has heard like how spoiled I am, how I act like a brat, how I haven’t seen any struggle my whole life, how I get my every wish fulfilled and how bad of a person I have become because of this brought up.
I never really gave an answer to these people who said these things, I just looked at them and smiled because as it is said everyone has the right to have opinions that does not mean I have to give a damn about it. But since I have raised the topic here, let me clear up your prejudging mind. I haven’t been spoiled because my family is rich or something, I haven’t been sheltered all my life because we are the locals of KTM and that is how parents treat their children. Here I get to live the way I do because they are my family, I am their daughter and sister. Let it be any part of the world, with any situation and condition, I would be treated and loved or as you say spoiled the same.
Everyone’s family loves their child the same, just the difference in the situation is my ancestors came and settled in the KTM valley way before you did but the hustle and struggle to support the family has and will always be the same. I mean everyone wants their child to get the best, don’t they?
It's making me wonder, how confident I'm about this matter. Another part of my life that I am very confident about is my friends. There are many people out there that I easily call a friend but like any other human, there are only a few who actually withhold the meaning of friends in my life.
My friends have been like my pillows; cushioning my fall and like pillars; supporting me through my way up. Shouldering me when I cry, pulling me up when I fall and not even hesitating to push me up by themselves going down and always ready to ask for a party even when I get a little bit of success.
Friends are supposed to stop you from making stupid decisions, aren’t they? Oh, mine happens to do the complete opposite. They jump to support me even though the stupid ones. It's not because they are bad friends or anything, its because they genuinely know I want to do that thing. And they also know me much better, if I want to do something, I will do it anyway, so even if its a stupid thing they won’t let me do it alone. Sometimes, they would even find ideas about why I should do those things.
Ohh, how much I miss my friends since most of us are away from each other due to different colleges. And I miss all of my brothers and sisters, too since most of them are in different places pursuing their careers and even those who live near busy with their own work and life.
Coming from my childhood foundation about what a family is to the 20 years of time I have lived on this earth, now this is my take on the family. Family for me is not just my grandparents, parents, and siblings; my family holds the space for every single person in my life who has supported me selflessly, loved me endlessly and who will have tears on their eyes every time I face success or failure because through happy tears is how they celebrate my win and through pouring ones is how they share my loss.
Not extended family or family beyond blood, just my family. These people are my humble abode and my emergency sanctuary who keep me grounded.
Article by: Jaya Silwal